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Design By Humans
Published On: Thu, Oct 31st, 2013

THE SEX FILES: Happy Halloween

breaking-bad-couples-costumeSo there is sexy…and then there isn’t. A subjective determination at best I’ll grant you, but coming across this Yahoo Shine photo expose’ just this week I realized I was looking (and laughing) over pictures of costumes I actually worked on. View here.

Let me explain.

In this writing thing I do, I not only work tirelessly as your SEX FILES editor-in-chief (a job I love very very much) but freelance for others. One of those jobs took me down the costume white way in my beloved state (no, not the state of confusion where I usually reside, but the actual state I live in, N.J.) writing SEO (that’s search engine optimization) costume descriptions for a big costume online warehouse in this 2013 Halloween season. When I peaked at that Yahoo Shine piece I realized that the pictures were plucked from the website of the company I had worked for. In their usual ‘fashion,’ this huge party/costuming conglomerate will just love the press I am sure, but it was interesting to see stuff I was so familiar with get called out.

So I figured seeing that this year, since this column will actually hit on all Hallows and prompted by something I can finally speak wisely of (and I can’t say that all that often), why not take a peak deeper into the sexy costumes of this year.

According to the National Retail Federation the top costumes for adults in 2013 are: Witch, Batman, Vampire, Zombie, Pirate, Action/super hero (basically what Batman and the next on the list are) Superman, Dracula, Cat, Scary mask/costume. So within this list there is certainly lots of room for a guy or girl’s own naughty addition or reveals. A short skirt can be shortened as much as the lady (or man) wearing it likes, lingerie gets a good public airing for Halloween and plenty of men and women don latex, rubber and spandex where they never would any other time of year. A few extra sips of spiked cider and suddenly that whip you brought along as a prop suddenly seems like something you’d really enjoy using.

Then there are specific costumes that were created this year deliberately for sexiness…even though some seem like a stretch to be sure. For instance, there is a short tunic-ed Osama bin Laden being sold for ladies who want to show off lots of leg (it comes complete with turban and beard) an open, short and flimsy faux Hazmat suit for those gals looking to emulate a femme Walter White “Breaking Bad” look and plenty of costumers are mixing and matching “Duck Dynasty” camouflage vests with a tutu skirt, stiletto boots and thigh-highs so women can do their own version of the duck call this year.

Lots of what you’ll see on specific sites are concoctions born and bred from the company’s own fertile imagination (or pieces they can’t match anymore)…such was true of the place I worked. When I see a “Mystery Studies” (not much more than a turtle neck top with pleaded mini skirt and glasses or a “Midnight Wolf” featuring fur trimmed pieces and wolf ears, it’s really less creative costuming as it is fitting together a few pieces and giving it a name. It all seems to sell though, but is it sexy, I’ll let you be the judge.

Let’s face it, be you a lady especially, this is the time of year to show off some skin even if the weather is cold. And really, you say potay-to and I say pota-to, who’s to make the full definitive statement on what’s sexy and what’s not?

So go out and go forth guys and ghouls. Catch a zombie walk near your town or let your freakiest frockery flow at a neighborhood party. Most of all, be you scary, sexy or both, have a good time, don’t drink and drive and realize that everybody has a cell phone these days and is more than ready to turn it your way to catch whatever part of you might be sneaking out in that pleaded schoolgirl skirt you’re wearing (be you guy or girl). Happy Halloween!

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THE SEX FILES: Happy Halloween