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Design By Humans
Published On: Thu, Jan 15th, 2015

Hanzel und Gretyl: Black Forest Metal

hanzelHanzel und Gretyl
Black Forest Metal
(Metropolis Records)

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Everyone’s favorite German-speaking uber duo from New Jersey bring forth the most evil, heaviest part of the devil’s soul from the dark heart of the forest. Why? Because they’re “Evil as Fukk” and they can, with a corpse-pale angry face and spiked club gripped in hand. They’ve pledged allegiance to the darkest lord of the darkest lords with the wild blazed glare of the sacrificial fire in their eyes. No matter who you are, playing in a forest “is” metal.

HUG fans from all over the world crowd-funded the album and Vas Kallas and Kaizer Von Loopy have delivered Black Forest Metal. Taking the best topics of the underground, they spew them forth with a hint of goat’s blood with a pseudo satanic hell-bound grin. Kallas spreads her wrath with a witch’s Sabbat shriek and Von Loopy brings the heaviness from the abyss with corpse-paint-burning heaviness.

“Hoia Baciu” opens with a satanic HUG and oath to the blackest of the forest metal, as the chains shackle you into darkness. “Black Forest Metal” is an ode to “he” who walks behind the trees after midnight, when all the spirits are in full flight. Von Loopy’s got some devil in his throat here. S.O.D. proved they were Bigger Than the Devil and HUG has proved they’re “More Metal Than the Devil.” Dammit, see what the Beatles started? “Burning Witches for Satan” proclaims, yep, the bitches will burn tonight. Von Loppy brings out Kerry King, who wails on his guitar. A heavy camp fire, flesh-ripping singalong with extra-sharp sticks to stab the marshmallows. “Big Bad Kyzrwolf” Peter Cottontail goes rabid after the blood sacrifice of the wolf. But as Monty Python showed us, never underestimate a good killer bunny rabbit.

Under a pale grey “Pentagram Sky,” they shall arise. Hanzel und Gretyl have made a career from techno, Euro-themed heavy sounds. Whether it’s the “SS Deathstar,” “Fukken Uber Death Party,” being “Number 1 in Deutschland,” or “Loud und Proud,” they’ve brought the next uber offering and will be kicking the shiza out of audiences everywhere soon.

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Hanzel und Gretyl: Black Forest Metal