There is kinky and then there is kinky, especially when the whole world finds out and the person you are being kinky with is not consensual to your kink.

Armi Hammer is being accused by his latest girl toy, Instagram model Paige Lorenze that he emotionally and physically abused her in the throes of his S&M interests during the couple’s four-month relationship. Lorenze says Hammer told her he kept mannequins in the home he had with his ex-wife to practice rope tying on, introduced her to his BDSM toys carried in a brown leather case, which contained ropes, small sharp knives, clothes pins, whips and paddles, says that Hammer carved his first initial, an ‘A’ into her skin during a sex game (can anyone say Keith Raniere?), used the aforementioned paddles on her until she was bruised and often bit her so hard she was scared. Hammer’s interest in biting especially seems to go further as Lorenze claims that Hammer licked the blood from the wound when he cut his initial into her and asked her to allow him to take lumps of flesh from her arm so her could consume them. Another Hammer ex says he begged her to have ribs removed so he could barbecue them.

This all comes on the heels of Hammer’s admission of his desire to eat human flesh when the Long Ranger supposedly dropped hints of this interest in Vorarepilia (‘vore’ for short), in Instagram posts. He claims he dropped out of his role in an upcoming Jennifer Lopez film over all the talk about this. In fact Hammer claims he is being ‘kink shamed’ (new term alert!) by all the talk.

Let’s be fair here though…Hammer’s attorney issued a statement that the actor refutes Lorenze’s calls of coercion, and talking about, posting or fantasizing about eating flesh is not the same as actually eating it.

If Lorenze was indeed abused or coerced, this could be serious if she proceeds with a legal case, but then again, the onus is on her to prove she was abused. At the initial brush of their relationship, Lorenze claims that not only did she go along with the kinks, but enjoyed them. It was only later as things grew more intense, that things got scary for her. All the signed slave contracts (something housewives everywhere got a tickle in their panties over from the Fifty Shades of Grey story) ‘safe words,’ pushing of a lover’s limits comes up short when somebody truly wants something to stop or feels that they might lose their lover if they do not comply.

But unless the lady let her feelings be known at the time, how would Hammer know she was not into the play?

I have been in the middle of many a dungeon (or have been in my life when kink conventions were happening) and I have never experienced a sub in a situation where they suddenly complained that they felt that they were in danger, in pain they did not want or have ever seen anyone just stand up and walk away from a scene. The very best kinksters–doms and subs both–are aware of one another’s needs and emotions, as much as they are the space around them (best one can be when maybe blindfolded or tied). I’m not saying people don’t occasionally cross a line accidently or that there might not come some disconnect between beater and beatee over how intense a scene is getting, but from my experience, people who enjoy BDSM on any level are not interested in actual coercion as they are moments of role play and testing, albeit safely, one another through limits discussed.

Other than ‘outing’ these slightly non-vanilla interests of Hammer, and maybe some people refusing to work with him again, there might not just be much that will come from this story, save some caution for anyone who is into anything (and anything at all, not just receiving a spanking they don’t want) that they need to stop what’s happening, make their objection known and get the fuck out of dodge right quick!