Every year I say I am going to go…and no year have I ever (living as I do on the east coast it is a bear for me getting across country for a week of sun, fun and gravity defying breasts in Las Vegas). But one year gentle readers I will go forth for us all and report back with pictures and tales of adventures from the three decade old AVN Awards, the “Oscars of adult,” the award show that celebrates the “business of pleasure.”

Say what you want about those Oscars, or even The Golden Globes, but until they allow categories like “Best Anal Release” I’m venturing that AVN is about the coolest awards show around!

This is not to be our year though, so my rundown of some of the nominees will have to suffice with a wrap-up (next week) of some of the winners. See below what you might recognize or maybe have even participated in (and if you have and I have yet to interview you, get in touch dammit!)

This is the official AVN link for all the nominess: http://avnawards.avn.com/2013-Nominees/ but let me touch on a little bit of it.

Following in its popularity in current mainstream movies, 3D films have their own separate category in porn and if This Ain’t The Smurfs XXX 3D from Hustler Video doesn’t win, there is no justice in this world! There are two Best Amateur categories: “Best Amateur Release” and “Best Amateur Series,” proving how popular ‘do-it-yourself-ers’ are in the porn world.

Under best BDSM category (and quite a few others) someone I actually know slightly, Soma Snakeoil is nominated for her stellar Rubber Bordello film, and as I have both seen the film and listened to the stride-piano, horn instrumentals on the CD (and the soundtrack as well as a song from it, “She-donistic Society” by Fat Mike, have also been nominated this year) I couldn’t be happier for the wonderfully talented Soma.

From the “Best Celebrity Sex Tape” category I actually did catch one of the movies-one I reviewed for THE SEX FILES-Octomom Home Alone which, despite this woman’s negative publicity (all self-inflicted to be sure) I kind of thought was a relatively decent movie, for the niche release that it is.

As you will see, if you run down the entire list, you’ll realize just as I did how involved these AVN nominees are and how much stuff came out last year. But I can’t get out of this column without mentioning what I think are some of the best movie names of the year:

A View to a Gape,; On the same theme: Real Rockin’ Racks, Titties-n-Lace because really, don’t the two just go so well together? and Tony the Tiger’s favorite Titterific; His Booty Is my Duty 2 (not a gay male tape, just if you’re wondering) and of course where so many of us go to worship on Sunday Church of Bootyism 2.

Let’s hope for next year I am writing this column from a sunnier clime, but for now, enjoy the above and check out some of these movies.