Lana Rhoades and Stella Cox

I live next door to a soft-spoken, grey haired, workaholic, 66 year-old banker.   He’s been at the same bank for twenty years.  Monday to Saturday.

I’ve known him for six years and have never seen him in plain clothes.  His wardrobe consists of a few crumpled grey suits that he rotates.   His wife cooks for him.  I only know that because I smell it.  They like to keep their door shut.  She seems happy.  Him?  Not so much.  He told me, “Life is a short vacation before death.”

Sadly, most of you reading this have a job that’s close to this. A grind.

But I recently went to a work party where the employees grind in an entirely different way.  And they get paid extremely well for it.

They fuck for a living.

The unveiling of the new AVN Studio space in Chatsworth, California was like any work cocktail party.  Employees mingled, talked shop, drank, danced to the DJ, and got a little tipsy.

But people who work in the porno business don’t do things like the rest of us.  They are free spirits who realize life’s too short not to do what you love for a living.

Katy Kiss gets cash to fuck.  In my opinion, she’s a smart multitasker, but Katy says people have misconceptions about what her typical workday is like.  “They think we’re getting off all the time.  No!  Directors don’t wait around for us to get off.  We do our job, we finish our scene on time, and we’re professional about it.  A lot of people just assume, ‘Oh, you’re just fucking, you’re getting off, no biggie, and then you get paid.’  It’s not like that.”

Another misnomer about porn is that the girls are drugged-out zombies who have no control over their scenes, but Kat Dior has abundant communication with her co-stars.  She’s the one in control.

“Every scene you go into, you know what you’re doing beforehand.  You get the rundown before you go into a scene.  You talk to your talent.  You talk to your directors.  You let them know what you’re comfortable with, what you’re not comfortable with.  And it makes the scene go by really fast.”

Kleio Valentien says she loves her job because there’s still a lot left to cross off on her Work Accomplishment Bucket List.  “I haven’t done a DP.  I haven’t done a gangbang.  I haven’t done a blowbang.  I’ve been in the industry for about 7 years now, and I’m slowly working my way through.  I feel like it’s a pretty good thing that I haven’t done those things yet.”

Meanwhile, Kacie Castle is using her active imagination to come up with job growth opportunities.  “My thing that I’m stuck on right now is a “Ramones-themed” gangbang.  So, like all the guys have leather jackets and the Marky Ramone wigs.”

And stop thinking women go into porn because they were abused or forced into it.  For newcomer Lana Rhoades, being in porn is a dream come true.  “I’ve been in the business two-and-a-half months.  I was actually only with one guy before porn.  I just always wanted to do porn, and I waited a long time to do it because I was with him.  But I have his name tattooed on my butt.”

Also new to the industry, Cam Girl Stefanie Joy says she’s getting positive feedback about her job performance, which inspires her to further her career and get into hardcore.  “I was Twistys Treat of the Month for March this year.  I originally went into Cam just so I could go back to school.  And then I ended up seeing how much I liked the Adult industry and Camming.  So, I decided to go forward with it.  So, getting Treat of the Month was really awesome, and I’m just looking to go up from here.”

The cocktail talk was anything but tedious.  Here’s a conversation that went down after Cece Capella vaguely recognized a co-worker:

Cece: What’s your name?
Ziggy: Ziggy Star.
Cece: Oh. My. God.  I know you!  You went down on me and made me feel so good!
Ziggy: Um…

At this point, Cece reminded Ziggy of the scene and complimented her oral skills.  Then they started kissing.

Cece:  This bitch is crazy!  In our scene, she spit in my mouth.  And like, I have not gotten down to the point of, like, having people spit in my mouth.  But I was totally OK with her spitting in my mouth.

Apparently, this sort of thing happens all the time.  Just because you have rough sex, don’t expect your scene partner to remember you.  It’s all in a day’s work.

No one in porn has worked harder (pun intended) than Ron Jeremy.  The 63-year-old mensch is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for “Most Appearances in Adult Films.”  Ron told me his secret to career longevity, and it’s a whole lot juicier than being good at crunching numbers.

“When you’re with a girl, lick the alphabet.  A… B…C…, move your head around.  You gotta make her cum before she even sees your dick.  Give her a nice climax.  And then Sam Kinison put a bad ending on it, which I don’t agree with.  He said, “Give her a nice climax.  It gives the illusion that you care.”

There were no orgies at the AVN House Party.  No blowjobs in the bathroom (that I saw).  There was even a work announcement: Riley Reid and Aspen Rae will be hosting the  2017 AVN Awards.

The craziest moment may have been when Digital Underground rocked the house and asked, “Yo.  Who likes to smoke weed?”  Sure, there was some hot grinding on the dance floor, but I’ve been to the MTV Christmas parties and it’s really not much different.

I had a long night of talking to people who were fun, intelligent, and drop dead sexy.  I even got a phone number. All in a day’s work.

Katy Kiss and Kat Dior

Kleio Valentien

Stefanie Joy

(L to R) Ziggy Star, Kacie Castle and Cece Cappella